No Sadness (Why I hate Sad Movies)

Me: Have you ever seen The Fox and The Hound?
Dawn: Oh, you mean one of the saddest Disney movies of all time? Yes, I have.

Last week Jeff took C to the library and let him pick out some DVD's. What did he pick out, you ask? The Lion King and the above mentioned Fox and The Hound. Now, I have never seen The Lion King all the way through. Once I found out that his parents died, I quickly added it to my "Movies I will Never See because They Will Make Me Cry" list.  I know, I know, that movie is one of the best Disney movies ever (or so everyone tells me) but I just can't handle it. The Fox and The Hound scarred me for life. That movie made me cry so hard when I was a kid that I vowed never to watch it again. So, how thrilled was I when I found out my sons choice of movies were at the top of my sad list?? Not so thrilled. He watched The Lion King without me and really enjoyed it. He saved The Fox and The Hound to watch with me. Awesome. I arranged it so that I would be making dinner while he was watching it and I missed most of the sadness. Alas, dinner was ready just in time for the end and as soon as I sat down and saw that the hunter and Copper (the hound) were trying to catch Todd (the fox) I lost my crap all over again just like when I was a kid. No worries (spoiler alert!), Copper eventually ends up saving Todd but I still had to walk away to blow my nose.

Ugh. Kids movies.

Speaking of sad kids movies... Let's go ahead and add An American Tail to my list. You know that one, where a mouse (Fievel) gets separated from his parents and goes in search for them. Sad songs ensue ("Somewhere Out There"), as well as songs about cheese and cats. I don't really remember what else happens because I couldn't get past the part about the mouse missing his Mom and Dad. Now, let's talk about Dumbo... Here's an idea! Let's make a movie about an adorable baby elephant with giant ears who is ridiculed and shunned and then taken away from his mother! No, Disney. Stop it! I don't think I need to mention Bambi, as everyone I know thinks that movie is one of the saddest of all time.

All of this reminds me of that episode of Friends; "The One Where Old Yeller Dies" (because the thought has crossed my mind to do this with Charley). It's the one where Phoebe finds out that her mom never showed her the ending parts of sad movies, so she wouldn't have to endure the sadness.  ------------ > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osRX86BYsVg

Other movies on the "Movies I Will Never See Because They Will Make Me Cry List" are as follows:

• My Girl- If I watch this movie now (which would never happen) I make sure to close my eyes and cover my ears at the dreaded bee attack part as well as the funeral scene. "Where are his glasses?? He can't see without his glasses!"         

Sadness. Ugh.

•  Finding Neverland- This movie had all the makings of a great movie. Johnny Depp as J.M. Barrie, Kate Winslet, Freddie Highmore. It's about how J.M. Barrie was inspired to write Peter Pan... and then it's about Kate Winslet's character dying and how Freddie Highmore's character has to deal with that. There is a scene where Freddie and Johnny Depp are sitting on a bench talking.  The camera gets in real close on Freddie's face and his huge eyes are brimming with tears. It was at that moment that Jeff turned to me in the movie theatre and pretended to rip his own heart out and stomp on it. That's how sad and emotional it was.    

Sadness.

• The Patriot-  It's that movie where Mel Gibson leads the Colonial Militia during the American Revolution when a really, really awful British officer (Jason Isaacs A.K.A. Mr. Malfoy) murders his son (Heath Ledger). The whole movie is filled with sadness and there is a part in the middle (when the little girl, who never talks, runs after her dad begging him not to go) that I lost it and started yelling at Jeff; "WHY are you making me watch this awful movie?!" 

SADNESS ABOUND.

There are a few episodes of TV shows that I will never watch again as well. They are:

• The episode of Full House where Uncle Jesse moves out and is saying goodbye to Michelle. Can't handle it.

• Little House On The Prairie. The whole series. I can't watch it. Any of it. You even mention this show to me and I start to tear up. And don't even bring up the Christmas special that they play every year. I remember trying to describe it to my brother one time and I couldn't even finish telling him because I started to cry. 

• "A Whole In The World" (Angel)- I haven't been able to re-watch this. It's so heartbreaking. 

• The last episode of Alias.  Re-watching this would be admitting that the series is definitely over. I wanted to call off work after this episode aired because I was so sad. 

• The last episode of Lost.  I cried for Jack. I cried for Vincent. I cried for the absolute perfection of the last shot and I cried because it was over.

So, this, friends, is why I won't watch sad movies. All those Nicholas Sparks, Jodi Picoult novels being made into movies? I want none of that. None. Of. It.

I prefer my movies to be happy and romantic and maybe a little bit of action thrown in as well. I don't want to watch a movie and cry through the whole thing. That's no fun at all!

What are your saddest movies??